Alright. I took a heavy-duty rubber plunger, stuck it into my head and pumped my mind clean through. I expect more regular blogorrhea now. Enjoy!
I can't quite put my finger on it. My mind creates 'frames' of reference for all my interactions with people. I'm more comfortable with some people than with others. Some make me extremely nervous while others I treat like best friends. But WHY?! I am the same person every moment of my life.
The point is that some people act truly themselves all the time and this has a certain sense of integrity - the opposite of insecurity. But you can be secure and still need to 'act'. Me? I'm a social chameleon to such an extent that I don't even have my own public identity. I create it from my interactions with people. Why? I started really understanding this when I read 'Rant' by Chuck P. Car salesmen sell cars by creating a psychological rapport with the customer. They mimic their behaviour. Did you know that people have a preferred sense?
If you say things like 'See you later' or 'I'll see what I can do' you're visual. If you say 'Talk soon' or 'Sounds good' you're audial. And tactile? 'Catch you later' and 'Hold on a minute'. So far I haven't met any 'smell' or 'taste' people. You might say 'Fuck that' they're just phrases I picked up randomly. But why did you pick those specific ones? Huh? Anyway, the point is that if you mimic a person's preferred sense they'll subconsciously find you more comfortable to be with. And that's only the start. There's speech, body language, mannerisms, etc. It's total manipulation.
I've been doing it since childhood.
Why? Can you keep a secret? Yeah, sure you can.
Anyway. Ask yourself - do I behave differently around different people or in different situations? Am I defined by social etiquette? Social constraints make the world go round, but how much do they influence the 'real' me? Do I tone it down in front of my boss? Have I ever behaved 'inappropriately'? Have I ever said "Wow! I can't believe I said that." Am I ever truly myself?
"Who am I? Where am I going?" ~ The Sopranos.
Sometimes you just have to answer.
