I’m coming home from work and just got on the bus. It takes about half an hour. It’s a good time to read a book, but today I just sit and watch people. A guy gets on a couple of stops later. He’s probably a few years older than me, wearing a business suit with a pale blue shirt and looking like he’s had a long day.
About 5 minutes pass. The guy gets out his phone and answers it. He talks fairly loudly so I easily overhear the following conversation. It’s a loose summary:
“Hey mate. Yeah, just left about 15 minute ago. I should be there in about 10…. Haha. Tell me about it! It’s still not finished. We’ll probably have to work this Saturday… Yeah. I know I’ve done my part… but Geoff (boss?) knows I’m the senior so he’s heaped it on me…
Haha… fuck off. I’m not doing that… This isn’t the movies, mate. Haha… yeah well… (speaks more quietly) I’m on the bus. I’ll talk to you later… I know he’s doing something. It’s pretty easy to tell the way he’s so paranoid. Does Stacey come in to chat to you every day?... I know… And Geoff’s put in that new log with the swipe cards. He knows exactly when and who comes and goes. I bet you he… yeah… well remember I told you when I got into one of his folders accidentally?... Yeah, exactly. I bet he watches all the CCTV footage too, takes it home, the freak…
Hahaha… Piss off. That’s just wrong… As much as I’d like to, it’s not gonna happen… I think she’s got a guy already. And how do you expect me to bring it up? Oh. How was your weekend? Ok. Nice. You wanna romp in the back room after work? Hahaha… (looks around and notices me watching him)… Shut up. I’m on the bus, mate. I’m gonna go… No as if! When did she ever give that impression? She probably wants some rich fuck from legal… Did you see Janna with Williams last Friday?... I know. I’ve got no chance… Hahaha. Maybe. You never know. They probably get sick of the guys working with them. You’re right… Ok, mate. I gotta go. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.
So there you have it. An average weeknight bus trip from the city. Normal people coming home after a day at work. Some sit there playing with their phones, some are reading, others are staring out the window. Some guy takes out his phone and has a conversation… nothing out of the ordinary.
Well. Now think about this. That guy. That was me. And there was nobody talking to me on the phone. I just held it up to my ear for 10 minutes during my ‘conversation’. For 10 minutes, I was talking loudly enough for people to follow me. For 10 minutes, I was talking to myself and nobody felt bothered by it at all.
Now take the phone out of the equation. Imagine me sitting there talking to myself. How do you think people would feel? Why?
Should we give paranoid schizophrenics a phone to hold up to their ear? What is wrong with talking to yourself? You know, I was just thinking the same thing. Interesting question.
July 25, 2010
July 13, 2010
#8 To Bake or not to Bake
s28 of the Residential Tenancies Act 1987 (NSW) outlines the landlord's responsibility for urgent repairs. In the definition of urgent repairs, it includes:
"a failure or breakdown of any essential service on the residential premises for hot water, cooking, heating or laundering"
The question I'm asking is this: is an OVEN an essential service for cooking that must be repaired urgently? Or is it something without which one can live for a few weeks?
Actually, I already know the answer and it is that an oven doesn't constitute an urgent repair. If you argued this at the Tribunal, you would be ridiculed and your application would be dismissed under the section for dismissing laughable applications. You could then come home to your broken oven, cook a delicious meal on your STOVE and survive for as long as the stingy landlord takes to repair the oven.
"a failure or breakdown of any essential service on the residential premises for hot water, cooking, heating or laundering"
The question I'm asking is this: is an OVEN an essential service for cooking that must be repaired urgently? Or is it something without which one can live for a few weeks?
Actually, I already know the answer and it is that an oven doesn't constitute an urgent repair. If you argued this at the Tribunal, you would be ridiculed and your application would be dismissed under the section for dismissing laughable applications. You could then come home to your broken oven, cook a delicious meal on your STOVE and survive for as long as the stingy landlord takes to repair the oven.
February 24, 2010
#7 the Unseens
I want to let you know about a bunch of people who are dying out. They used to thrive. Now, with urban sprawl and the spread of populations, these people are being forced out of their homes. These days there are less and less places where they can be safe. They used to have some freedom in the darkness of night-time, but that too is becoming a fleeting experience in populated areas.
You may never have heard of these people. You definitely have never seen them. That's because they are the Unseens. These are people who can only exist in spaces where nobody is looking at a particular moment. As soon as someone casts a glance their way, they must escape from view. If they can't get out of sight, they immediately vanish from existence. Whoosh!
The Unseens have populated this planet much longer than us humans. Their civilisation prospered until we came along. After a few bizarre deaths amongst the Unseens, they discovered our lethality and began teaching vital survival skills to their kin in order to preserve their race. This included acrobatic maneuvers and the ability to induce sneezing in us. As you know, humans can't sneeze with their eyes open. This gives the Unseens a brief opportunity to escape our gaze, for they can move much faster than a sluggish humanoid.
With the spread of our civilisation, the Unseens began dying out. Think about it. There's hardly a spot in our crowded cities at which somebody is not looking at every moment. This includes cameras because once their image is recorded, their soul dissipates within milliseconds and their recorded image turns into advertising. That's why there's so much advertising around these days.
As I said earlier, the Unseens used to have some reprieve at night-time. But, again, there are less and less spaces these days that aren't lit up or that aren't being ogled by some nosy human. Most Unseens have migrated to uninhabited areas on the planet, which are rapidly diminishing. What's even worse, they are often uninhabited by humans because living there sucks and it sucks equally for the Unseens.
There is a daring group of Unseens who have refused to be conquered. They're the ones who hide under your bed or in your closet. They have parties in your room when you're asleep. For dares, they whisper your dreams into your ear. They live in abandoned buildings that have been abandoned by squatters after they had been abandoned by their owners. They mostly grow and kill their own food but when they get desperate, they resort to stealing ours. If you've ever had something mysteriously and permanently gone missing, it was taken by the Unseens. Only humans harm the Unseens, by the way. They get along fine with animals. When you hear dogs barking or see animals doing weird things, that's because they've seen an Unseen.
The Unseen elders have identified human surveillance technology as the greatest threat to their civilisation. The advent of Google Maps and the spread of satellites sparked a global plague amongst the Unseen. They tried to get organised. Some efforts were to discreetly disable security cameras and to create safe havens that couldn't be seen from the sky. The most effective method was discovered by pure chance by Fuck, an Unseen who became a hero amongst his people. The young Fuck once accidentally stumbled on a group of British backpackers who were so blind drunk that he walked right past them unscathed. News of his miraculous survival spread across the globe within days. After a meeting of the Unseen High Council, it was decreed that the Unseen must promote alcoholism amongst the human population by any means. You see, as well as having the ability to induce sneezing, the Unseen are capable of telepathically prodding humans into boozing. Friday nights have given the Unseen longed-for breathing space. Humans young and old are being subtly manipulated into drunken stupors, allowing the Unseen to roam freely, flouting their survival and proclaiming praise for their national hero - Fuck. This is why that word is so commonly heard these days. A lot of the time it's actually an Unseen. You see, the Unseen are not the Unheard. That's an entirely different story.
You may never have heard of these people. You definitely have never seen them. That's because they are the Unseens. These are people who can only exist in spaces where nobody is looking at a particular moment. As soon as someone casts a glance their way, they must escape from view. If they can't get out of sight, they immediately vanish from existence. Whoosh!
The Unseens have populated this planet much longer than us humans. Their civilisation prospered until we came along. After a few bizarre deaths amongst the Unseens, they discovered our lethality and began teaching vital survival skills to their kin in order to preserve their race. This included acrobatic maneuvers and the ability to induce sneezing in us. As you know, humans can't sneeze with their eyes open. This gives the Unseens a brief opportunity to escape our gaze, for they can move much faster than a sluggish humanoid.
With the spread of our civilisation, the Unseens began dying out. Think about it. There's hardly a spot in our crowded cities at which somebody is not looking at every moment. This includes cameras because once their image is recorded, their soul dissipates within milliseconds and their recorded image turns into advertising. That's why there's so much advertising around these days.
As I said earlier, the Unseens used to have some reprieve at night-time. But, again, there are less and less spaces these days that aren't lit up or that aren't being ogled by some nosy human. Most Unseens have migrated to uninhabited areas on the planet, which are rapidly diminishing. What's even worse, they are often uninhabited by humans because living there sucks and it sucks equally for the Unseens.
There is a daring group of Unseens who have refused to be conquered. They're the ones who hide under your bed or in your closet. They have parties in your room when you're asleep. For dares, they whisper your dreams into your ear. They live in abandoned buildings that have been abandoned by squatters after they had been abandoned by their owners. They mostly grow and kill their own food but when they get desperate, they resort to stealing ours. If you've ever had something mysteriously and permanently gone missing, it was taken by the Unseens. Only humans harm the Unseens, by the way. They get along fine with animals. When you hear dogs barking or see animals doing weird things, that's because they've seen an Unseen.
The Unseen elders have identified human surveillance technology as the greatest threat to their civilisation. The advent of Google Maps and the spread of satellites sparked a global plague amongst the Unseen. They tried to get organised. Some efforts were to discreetly disable security cameras and to create safe havens that couldn't be seen from the sky. The most effective method was discovered by pure chance by Fuck, an Unseen who became a hero amongst his people. The young Fuck once accidentally stumbled on a group of British backpackers who were so blind drunk that he walked right past them unscathed. News of his miraculous survival spread across the globe within days. After a meeting of the Unseen High Council, it was decreed that the Unseen must promote alcoholism amongst the human population by any means. You see, as well as having the ability to induce sneezing, the Unseen are capable of telepathically prodding humans into boozing. Friday nights have given the Unseen longed-for breathing space. Humans young and old are being subtly manipulated into drunken stupors, allowing the Unseen to roam freely, flouting their survival and proclaiming praise for their national hero - Fuck. This is why that word is so commonly heard these days. A lot of the time it's actually an Unseen. You see, the Unseen are not the Unheard. That's an entirely different story.
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